You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
