I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
