Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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