Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
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you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
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Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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