At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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