are you still at the devil's house?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
