He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
