Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
