wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So apparently I’m into choking now
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