im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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