I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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