Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
