I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
