Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
