She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
