dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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