and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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