I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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