i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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