there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
