Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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