WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
