good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
