So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So much rum. So many feels.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
