distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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