we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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