So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
