just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The power of my boobs compel you
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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