you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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