...so i touched it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
