I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So much Jack, so little girl.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
