What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
