Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
