I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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