Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
