Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
