Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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