HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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