Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
