does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
