Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
