How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
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It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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