im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
