I just cut my nipple shaving
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
