We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
