Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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