get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
