I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Drunk is a universal language darling
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
