I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
