If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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