i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
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All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
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New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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