can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize