How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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