you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
