my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
