I showed him my bush... on skype.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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