Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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