i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
