He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
