Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
