The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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