lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
