Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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