I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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